Rewired in My Sleep
Something interesting happened recently.
I had my usual veggie dinner. Had my evening online meetings with my teammates located elsewhere on the planet. Took another shower just because I felt like it. Did some pre-bedtime stretches, exalted in the loopy physical sensation that this stretching provides me recently, and then lay down to bed.
I spoke into the darkness, thanking this life for the wonderful day, expressing my gratitude that I am indeed alive and here to witness all this wonder and beauty. I recited my end-of-day “prayer”:
“I accept and receive all planetary work and healing done on my behalf, my lineage, all aspects of my being. It is done, thank you.”
Then I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Sometime later I awoke. But something was different.
I’ve long known that sleep for me was in a sense more “pure” than my regular waking moments. I’ve long been aware that while “sleeping” I am actually really busy, doing very cool things, meeting people, going to fantastic places – although for now I am only capable of their partial recollection.
Usually upon awakening from this “perfect” state of sleep, a stream of thought-filled activity seems to insert itself over my thoughts. With this comes a flavor, a pall of what we call “negativity”.
But as I slipped into wakefulness, something was different this time. Normally I would feel something was wrong, but “wrong” is negative – but within me that feeling of negativity was absent. Absolutely gone. It’s like intending something negative was impossible. I was incapable of this now. I just lay there and tried over and over again to have a negative thought – but that ability could not be fulfilled.
So as I lay there in the darkness, I wanted to explore this change. I could see the mild glow of light physically surrounding me that I had become accustomed to in recent years. Included within this awareness of a physical light, there is a version of light that ebbs and flows within at an abstract level, expressing the flow of thoughts within. And very time I tried to muster up some kind of negative thought, it was gently repelled by a mild flash of light. It was like a friendly way of saying, “Don’t go there. Don’t walk this path.”
I tried over and over again to intend something negative. Just couldn’t. So I gave up.
I knew I wanted to share this experience with others, so in words I struggled to formulate the words that would describe this. The best way I can say this is: This inability to intend negativity is an absence. Not exactly an inability, but a simple absence of the pathway through which such negativity could become manifest. I guess in simpler words, the “wiring” for actively intending and manifesting negativity was gone.
I am still able to perceive of a concept of negativity, know that exists. But the actively emotionally binding and draining aspect that provides it with the energy to become real was gone. I realized I was absent of intending negativity. I suppose if I wanted to, I could get angry about things I cared for. No doubt I can make mistakes like anyone else, and perform what someone else would perceive as a negative act. But the intent is gone. No, I’m not devoid of a sense of right and wrong, but what sense I do have is now no longer burdened by the former paradigm.
Likewise, the sense of freedom that springs forth now… Astounding!
Bear in mind, I know it takes two to tango. I know that certain actions I perform or the words that I speak will be interpreted out there by people who still subscribe to the wiring associated with the duality of negativity and positivity. There will be some who think of some things I do as negative. But from my part of the perception spectrum, negativity is out of the picture.
So conversely, what of the positive?
This goes to the issue of judgment of positive and negative – again a burdensome endeavor that really isn’t necessary in most but perhaps the most extreme of cases. There still is discernment. Discernment holds sway in our ability to make a choice among one or more path, and going with that one path. But the definition of discernment is a different journey all it own.